This is another card in the deck that has an edgier story behind it, and it's the only one that has an animal in it.
If you remember from the first story (on the forgiveness theme), these drawings came out of a 100 day drawing practice. Every day, I was having to find something to draw. So in a way, each drawing is an artifact of what was happening in life on a specific day in a continuum of 100 consecutive days. Some days, I would run into a flower that I knew I wanted to draw, some days I would work on an ongoing theme (like flowers my parents remembered as kids) and some days something would happen and I would react with a drawing.
The joy and presence card falls in the last category. I came home one day and opened the door to the garden and right next to the house I found a dead hummingbird. It was so beautiful and peaceful but it was terrifying to me to see it lying there. And I was home alone - my husband was away on a trip - and I really did not know what to do. I sat next to it for a while and decided to leave it overnight -- to sleep on it so I could really know what it was that I needed to do. (As a side note, I later learned from a friend who had a similar experience, that hummingbirds can go into torpor - a deep sleep-like state - which can make them appear to be dead. The bird she found and thought was dead came back to life when hit with a gust of wind so I am glad I let it sit overnight before trying to bury it! )
The next morning when I woke, it’s like I knew exactly what to do. I went down to see if it was still there (and to convince myself it was not all a dream). It was in the exact place I found it the day before and still so peaceful and beautiful. I used gloves and paper towels and gently carried it to the garden. I had just started listening to Gabriel Fauré’s Requiem in d minor and decided to play it on my phone while I dug a hole by the roses and irises in the yard. I gently set the hummingbird in the earth, placed flowers from this garden where it lived next to it, and said a blessing of gratitude and love to lay it to rest. This hummingbird was given the most gentle and loving burial.
Later that day, I made the joy and presence drawing. I think I paired the Indian Paintbrush with this bird because their wild, natural, fiery beauty seemed to match each other. And the words joy and presence came up because I could feel the joy of this bird and all of nature around us when I was forced to become aware of the transience of this life. And I still feel the hummingbird’s presence in my yard and in my life and it’s amazing to me that it’s spirit can live through these cards to spread its joy and capacity for presence to all who are willing to notice and let it in.
- April, 2021
